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Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dear Puffin...

Dear Puffin,

I was so very sad today to discover you had left me.  Your soul has departed, but your spirit will live on here on the farm.  I will remember the way that you ran and played with the other goats.  I will remember how you loved to have your neck and back rubbed, especially when you were losing your winter furry coat.  I will remember your perfectly symmetrical horns, and your beautiful dark brown eyes.  I will remember the way that the little white tufts of fur surrounded the base of your ears, and how soft they were when I touched them.  I will remember that I bought you for just $35 at an animal fair in Missouri.  I wanted to give you a good, safe home.  I will remember bringing you home with your friend, Stuffin, and wondering if you were sisters.

I  will remember that you were always one of the first to come to the gate when you thought I might have treats.  I will remember your bleating in the mornings, and your tail wagging when you had peppermint alfalfa treats, or pieces of banana.  I will remember how you didn't seem to care when it snowed, and you just kept looking for treats and hanging around with Coffee.

I will remember how excited I was when Valentino's marking harness showed that you had been bred, and I will remember thinking that you would be a good mother.   I will remember seeing you grow larger by the day, and seeing your udder so full of nutrition for your little ones.

I will remember worrying that you might be carrying triplets or quadruplets, and wondering what on earth I would do to help you care for them, but you just kept on eating, as if to say it was no problem.

I will remember feeling your ligaments on Sunday night, and knowing you were close to giving birth.

I will remember the screams you made on Monday morning, and the feeling I had in the pit of my belly when I knew that things were not progressing as they should.  I will remember holding your head in my lap, and stroking your head, and trying to make you feel comfortable during your contractions.  I will remember trying to reposition your baby, feeling without seeing, trying to make things right.  I will remember calling the vet to come and help you, because I could no longer do so.  I will remember that he tried his best, and I know that you were in pain.  I will remember how much it hurt me that we were hurting you.  I will remember the baby you nurtured, that never had a chance to breathe the spring air.  I will remember the tragedy of your first baby, and the miraculous survival of your second baby.  I will remember your trembling body and your distant gaze when you had given up the lives within you.

I will remember the feelings I had when I saw that you would not eat or drink, even when I brought you freshly picked dandelion greens.  I will remember the faint moan you made this morning when I went into your pen, and what I knew in my heart when I saw you.  I will remember realizing that your last act was in giving life, and I will cherish your little girl and do whatever I can to give her a strong future.

I will remember that you were loved, and that you were so much more valuable to me than your $35 price tag could ever begin to explain.  I will remember the lessons you taught me, and I will cherish each memory I have of you in my heart.

Goodbye, sweet Puffin.  Your body is cold, but your memory shall always be warm in my heart.

33 comments:

Karen said...

Rest in peace, sweet little goat girl.

Chai Chai said...

What a wonderful tribute and treasure trove of memories - it brought tears to my eyes. It is amazing how a $35 investment can obtain priceless rewards.

LoreenH said...

Oh Claire, I am so, so sorry. I share your sorrow with you. Wish I was there to give you a big hug.

Flartus said...

Oh Claire, I am so, so sorry. I know you did the best you could for Puffin, and I know how much you will cherish Nickle.

Louise said...

My most heartfelt condolences. If I knew of some magic words of comfort, I would give them to you, but, all I can do is tell you that I will think of Puffin, the little one, and you tonight.

Christine said...

A beautiful tribute. I'm so sorry for your loss. You must be heartbroken. (hug)

Apifera Farm said...

Oh, Claire...I felt every word. ANd I know you will remember all of this, the good and the hard, through out the years. You did your best.

Jennifer said...

I am so sorry for your loss. It is so difficult to lose one under any circumstances and these must have been especially hard.

Jenny said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to read that you lost her after all. I guess you've got a little bottle baby now and you'll wind up with quite a strong bond with her. Hope you feel better soon!
~Jenny~

SweetMissDaisy (Anna Wight) said...

Awww, I am so sorry for your loss. I was hoping to come here tonight to read that she was doing well -- my heart goes out to you and the critters... so sorry you've lost a friend. :( -Anna.

Foothills Poultry said...

With tears in my eyes, all I can say is that I am sorry.

~~Matt~~

Pricilla said...

I am so sorry.
goat hugs

Paige Madison said...

What a beautiful memory! I'm sad that she has passed on to the next world, but know she will be happier there. May the Goddess's blessing be upon you and your goat and may Lucky Nickel survive and thrive in your care.

Heidi said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you lost one of your girls. I got teary reading this post. Sending you much love and healing thoughts.

Mary Ann said...

I'm so very sorry, Claire.

IsobelleGoLightly said...

Sleep well, pretty Puffin.

Selma said...

I am so terribly sad to hear about Puffin. I could tell how much you loved her. My grandmother kept goats when I was a girl and I understand how easy it is to fall in love with them.

Puffin was the dearest thing. You enriched her life for the time she was with you - and she yours. I am sorry you have lost her.

My Life Under the Bus said...

Oh sadness ! Here's to Nickel and a long life !!

polly's path said...

I am just sobbing. So sorry, Claire. I can't even express it with words. I will be thinking about you, guys.
Big hugs across several states.

Chicken Momma said...

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your words are beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us. I hope find some comfort in her baby.

colorandtexture said...

I'm at work and trying to keep it together after reading this post. Claire, I'm so sorry for your loss . ..

Joanna@BooneDocksWilcox said...

very sad, I'm sorry Claire

gileadgoats said...

I'm so so sorry and sad to hear of your loss. It's truly heartbreaking. Sending you big hugs and well wishes for Nickle.

angie said...

oh.... Claire. My heart hurts with your loss.

Lola Nova said...

Dear Claire,

I have read the last two posts but have not been able to comment. By the end of this post I had tears running down my face much to the confusion of my husband. "You are crying over a goat you don't even know?"
Yes, yes I was. Not just that but, your lovely words and the thought of what you have been through the last couple of days.

Even though I know the realities of farm life, it is still a hard pill to swallow. And then to lose poor Puffin...I am so sorry and I am sending you much love and heart healing thoughts.

Take care.

Mom L said...

I am so sorry, Claire, but you wrote beautifully about Puffin. I'm so very glad you have the lovely little Lucky Nickel to help you over the loss, and look forward to pictures of her.

Nancy

Michelle said...

Understanding your loss and pain, and shedding many tears with you. Love and hugs from Boulderneigh....

I need orange said...

Awwww.

I am so sorry.

She was such a good girl.

Kelly said...

So sorry for your loss (she types thru tears)!

Spring Lake Farm said...

How beautiful and sad! Wish I could say or do something other than say how very sorry I am for your loss!

Teary eyed in Georgia.

Sandy

Jennifer said...

God Bless you Claire, & Puffin, too.
Love & Light, Jennifer & Marti

Kathy said...

Claire, I am so very, very sorry for your loss of Puffin. I know that with time, the pain in your heart will be replaced with warm memories of your cherished friend. And she will remain as close to you as your heart.

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

Awww...such a beautiful tribute to your beautiful Puffin. You have a tender heart for your precious animals, and it shows through your heartfelt writing.

Thanks for sharing the story of your sweet Puffin.


((((hugs)))))
~Lisa