Sunday, March 11, 2012

I'm still here

Just a short blog, to say that I have not dropped into an open manhole or a previously undiscovered well.  I am taking time to process the events that have led to my current situation, and have found myself essentially unable to write about it for the moment.  In the week following Richard's totally unexpected decision to abandon everything we had been intending, I noticed that Stickley had developed a limp in his front leg.  Within a few days, he was having a very difficult time putting any weight on that leg.  In the barn, I had also been dealing with Westley, one of my little angora goats, who had paralysis of both legs on his left side as a result of deer meningeal worm infection.  With Westley having been unable to stand up for nearly 6 weeks despite my attempts to get him moving, I decided it was time to let him go.  He was not having a good quality of life for a little goat, and it wasn't fair to keep hanging on to hope.  I took both Westley and Stickley to the vet.  Unfortunately, I learned that Stickley had developed osteosarcoma, a form of bone cancer that is relatively common in greyhounds of advanced age.  He would have been 11 this month.

Westley and Stickley were humanely euthanized on the same day, just 10 days after Richard's bombshell.  It was one of those "just when I thought things couldn't get any worse..." moments.

So, still dealing with a lot of loss in my life, and a lot of uncertainty.  I'm not sure where all this is leading, and I dislike instability.  I leave you with some pictures of Stickley and Westley.  It has taken me some time to be able to write about their passing, and even now I have hot tears coursing my cheeks as I write this.  Too much loss in too short a time, and no light at the end of the tunnel yet.

Stickley, retired racing greyhound, track name "RJ's Elk River"
Run free my big dog, you are not forgotten.

Westley, the wee angora goat, not even a year old.  Loved while he was here.


Marigold said...

Oh, dear, dear Claire,
I can not fathom what you have and are going through. I can only offer that things have to change for the better, if for no other reason than when you are at the bottom, there is no where else to go but up. Please keep the faith that things will turn around, because they will. As the Goatmother's wonderful grandmother used to say, 'There is always a way. You just have to find it'. Sending the biggest of hugs possible.

Lisa said...

Oh my! That is just too much to bear in such a short period of time. My prayers going out to you. I'm one of those people that does NOT like change of any kind and I like boring. So I'm like you. I try not to let words like excitement, instability, and change come into my vocabulary.

Hugs and prayers to you.

Nancy K. said...

My heart just breaks for you Claire! To add such pain on top of everything else just sees so unfair! The only thing that I can say is that "YOU ARE GOING TO BE ONE. STRONG. CHICK."

Pricilla said...

You know we are thinking of you.

Texan said...

I am sorry Claire is all I can think to say, Loosing our furry friends is so very hard.

I can only imagine how you must be feeling, you have certainly had more than your share of upset.

I send good energy, good thoughts and a big Texas Hug your way!

Lin said...

We're here, Claire, and we share in your grief. You have suffered greatly, but it will end. This too shall pass, my friend. I don't make light of this, but you are certainly very strong and you will survive--whether you like it or not. :)

Sending love and hugs, my dear friend. I will add you to my prayers and I wish you strength. Know that we care about you and wish you better days ahead.

You have two special angels looking out for you now.

Melodie said...

I am so sorry. I know how heartbreaking it is to loose your animal friends. Hang in there,you are strong.You have done so much in your life you will find your way now too.YOu have so many good thoughts and prayers being sent your way.

Stevie Taylor said...

I'm so sorry. The loss of an animal is so painful. On top of a rough patch in life, it is almost unbearable. This is when we find out what we are made of. And I have never yet met a woman who did not find she had a steel lining. Here's hoping you find yours!

thecrazysheeplady said...


Millie said...

We love you. :-)

Karen said...

I am so sorry.
Sometimes life truly does seem too much to bear.
Thinking of you and sending healing thoughts your way.

Mom L said...

That's so much to deal with in such a short time, I understand why you were silent on here. I am glad you're near your folks. I think of you often, and hope the sun comes out soon from those bleak clouds.

Nancy, still in Iowa

goatfarmer said...

This is so heartbreaking. I suppose there is only the small comfort of having been able to set them free.