All future voles wishing to take up residence in my yard are required to submit an application. The application must detail where they plan to forage, and at what time of day, so that I can determine whether or not this will interfere with my home office work schedule, because this level of distraction simply cannot continue. Voles with distracting foraging plans will be required to submit revised schedules.
Voles of senior age who are willing to live quietly and peacefully in the wooded areas are exempted from the application process.
All voles must submit a photograph along with their application in order to ensure that they can be identified in pictures taken by the homeowner. If voles are photographed outside of their permitted areas, they may be subject to disciplinary proceedings, which may include temporary residence in an indoor habitat with an exercise wheel for the visual delight of the homeowner.
All voles are kindly requested to refrain from overtly cute poses on weekdays between the hours of 9 am and 6 pm, such as, but not limited to, posing with snowflakes on the nose, posing with paws holding seeds, posing while licking seed bits off paws, posing while exposing cute belly portions, posing half-in and half-out of tunnels, and posing under any form of vegetation in an "umbrella" style of setting during precipitation events.
Posing by the bird feeder pole is also not recommended due to the high cuteness factor.
Seriously, no snowflakes on the nose!
And no paw licking!
Furthermore, all voles wishing to take up residence must submit documentation on their precise species and any subspecies information, given that the homeowner is prone to fits of prolonged research on vole species following intense photography sessions. The homeowner suspects that you are a Southern red-backed vole and a Meadow vole, but this is by no means confirmed.
All voles are welcome to clean up the area under the bird feeder before 9 am, and after 6 pm, using any pose they wish to adopt. Neighbouring but non-resident voles are also welcome to visit during this timeframe.
Any vole seen to be making an exhibition of itself by jumping about gleefully under the bird feeder during the daily working hour timeframe shall be subject to eviction proceedings to the woods, where it must remain out of sight for at least 7 days while it considers its behaviour.