Monday, October 12, 2009

Droopy Monday

I decided to write a post about a little incident that occurred today. I figure a few of you might enjoy a giggle over it. Sorry to say it doesn't come with pictures, but I think you won't need them if you have a bit of an imagination.

As many of you readers know, I'm in part time law school, while maintaining a full time job. Sometimes this makes me a bit rushed, and this morning was no exception. The dog found it the perfect time to throw up grass this morning during my breakfast, delightful beast that he is, causing a mad dash for the steam vac and a few choice words. I was a bit late leaving, and knowing I had a meeting of some importance at work today, I had donned the dreaded nylons. It's unseasonably cool in Iowa right now, so I decided they were needed, even though my skirt was fairly long. I avoided the nylons until I was just about ready to leave, and quickly pulled them on at the last minute, noting a small run, but not caring because it didn't show.

I ran out the door dragging bookbag and purse and lunch, and drove in to class. Of course, since I was late, there was a major accident on the Interstate, causing me to divert onto smaller roads with more traffic lights, but at least they had moving traffic. I was late arriving at school, and dashed off across the parking lot in my 2 inch heels, nearly tripping on some wet leaves, and hurrying along to class. Once in the deserted stairwell headed to my classroom, I did a very un-ladylike tug on the nylons, which had begun to slowly inch their way downward. Nobody could see. (note to self: check for closed circuit camera in stairwell tomorrow)

I entered the classroom through the back door, not wanting to disturb the professor who had begun lecturing, and took my seat. I sat through an interminably long evidence class, and sort of forgot about the wonky nylons. After class, I gathered my things up with the rest of the students and headed down the same stairwell. Of course, it was very busy now, not allowing me the opportunity to do the "hike-'em-up" method, even though they had begun a slow droop once more. "Never mind," I said to myself "I'll take them off when I get to work." I promptly set out across campus to the car park.

As I walked briskly (it was cold) towards my vehicle, I felt the waistband of the beastly nylons commencing a rapid descent across my bottom. I tried to slow the inevitable drooping with a deftly placed hand on the thigh. No such luck. The slippery fabric of my skirt was no match for that. Walking ever faster, I felt the waistband at knee level. I thought it was a very good thing that I was wearing such a long skirt. I began walking with tremendously large strides, thinking that this would prevent complete disaster. I was wrong. On one such stride, I looked down with horror to see the waistband of my nylons was now something of a shackle around my ankles. Oh, this was very bad indeed.

I was close to a brick pillar. I stood against it with my back to it, and pretended to be busily looking in my purse for a very important object. At the same time, I bent my knees a little, making my skirt floor length. Remember, I'm still wearing heels. I slipped my foot out of one shoe, and while continuing to make a big deal out of looking through my purse, I did a very deft little leg wiggle movement, sufficient to make the nylons fall off that foot. I tell you, it was a feat of great ingenuity. The one-legged wiggle in high heels while digging for a non existent document. Brilliant. Of course, I then had to put that shoe back on and repeat the whole process with the other shoe. Good. Nylons now made a small heap at my feet. Ensuring that nobody was looking (at least as far as I could tell) I quickly scooped them into my purse and returned to my vehicle at top speed.

I went to Walgreens on the way back to work and bought a very nice pair of chocolate brown coloured herringbone tights. $5.99 no less! I took them to work and put them on in the bathroom. And what did I do? Stuck my finger right through them, causing a run. Fortunately, due to my skirt, it wasn't visible. Next time I have to wear nylons, I'm going to jump up and down ten times and run around the living room before leaving home, just to be sure.


kestrel said...

I tried to imagine all that happening and it was hilarious - I really hope no one caught you in action. Something like that happened to me too except it was a petticoat. I mean who wears petticoats these days. I have a lovely white skirt that is not lined so a petticoat is necessary. Except mine is probably 20 years old as it impossible to buy a mid-calf length petticoat and i have been checking the stores for years. The garters are a bit loose. So the same thing happened - the petticoat worked its way down form waiste to hips to lower hips but i was lucky as i could hold on to the waist band till i got to a bathroom to take it off. But I had to go through the rest of the day in a very transparent skirt.

Eskiemomma said...

You know after meeting up with you here in Wisconsin....I was reading this whole post sitting on the floor in my living room, laughing so hard because I can really picture you dancing around the stairwell.....LOL I love ya Clair.....

Gail V said...

Oh Claire, that was hilarious!
I decided if Hillary never wore a skirt while campaigning, maybe the rest of us never had to wear a skirt/suit again! Only sometimes, they're nice, I know.
The heels, arrghhh!
Great story.

Michelle said...

Two words: Sheer Energy. They're the only nylons I wear when wear them I must, because they don't droop. Pretty tough, too. That said, I'm glad you don't wear them, because then we would have missed out on this HILARIOUS story! Hee!

Sharrie said...

My mom taught me about thigh highs. What a blessing. Of course, now, I would have to look "high and low" to even find a pair in this house. Nylons have become a thing of the past, and I don't even miss them.

Lola Nova said...

Thank you Claire for sharing this story. I laughed out loud. I can totally relate to this incident. When I was young I was forced to wear nylons to church, I can recall a rather mortifying Sunday where this very thing happened to me. Of course I was 13 and did not have my wits about me as you did and so the outcome was far more public.

Take Care

Katherine Dunn/Apifera Farm said...

Funny! And you did the dance some of have done- although I quit wearing nylons even in my NYC days, which irritated everyone, except me!

I had a friend in NYC who was rushing to work once and felt something 'not so right', and as she stood on the busy NYC corner to wait for the red light to change, she looked down and her whole skirt had fallen to her ankles.

Joanna@BooneDocksWilcox said...

I know this wouldn't be acceptable in the fashion world, but with dresses, when it's cold, I wear dark thermal underwear. I can't stand nylon and the thermal underwear stays on.

frolicnfibers said...

OMG Claire, you had me laughing out loud!!! I can so identify with that! Better luck next time.

Alison said...

I...hate...nylons! I switched to thigh highs in college, but they're certainly not foolproof either.

I was out at a wine-tasting party with a French friend of mine once, and during the dancing afterwards, she was trying to get my attention, struggling to come up with the right word in English. Finally, she leaned over and shouted in my ear, "Sexy socks!" Then she pointed at my legs, and to my horror, one of my hose had slid down below my knee without my even noticing!

Did I mention there was wine there?

Thanks for the fun story!

Unknown said...

OMG That is soooo funny!! Thanks so much for sharing! I too gave up on nylons a long time ago. Spanx however are really my friend!!

Mom L said...

Claire, I'm dying here! LOLing! That is one of the reasons I gave up nylons FOREVER some time ago! Diane never forgets any of my oopsies, so I know she'll remember the day she was with her grandma and me in the mall when that very thing happened to me. I tried holding the waistband of the pantyhose through my skirt, but they slithered lower with every step. And that was only one incident...I think you were magnificent in your recovery!!!

Nancy in Iowa

Laughing Orca Ranch said...

ROFLMBO!!!! You painted a clear and humourous picture of that situation and I had a feeling what was coming. lol!

I've not worn panty hose for more than 16 years, for much those same reasons. I've yanked up a few hosiery in much the same unlady-like way, too. But that was back when security and hidden cameras weren't the norm. lol!

Some women have no pantyhose troubles and seem perfectly content wearing them.
Some of us....not so much. lol!


word verification: yersure

Are yersure your hose won't slip off yer butt?

Yellow Jacket Ridge Angoras said...

Oh that is funny!!! Reminds of of a time I put on a pair of jeans I had previously worn. They weren't dirty. I went to the bank to talk to our loan officer. We were in the process of building our house. The underwear I had worn the last time I wore those jeans fell out of my pant leg on the floor!!! Talk about embarassing!!! I will never, EVER forget that..and, it's doubtful, the loan officer will either.