I decided to write a post about a little incident that occurred today. I figure a few of you might enjoy a giggle over it. Sorry to say it doesn't come with pictures, but I think you won't need them if you have a bit of an imagination.
As many of you readers know, I'm in part time law school, while maintaining a full time job. Sometimes this makes me a bit rushed, and this morning was no exception. The dog found it the perfect time to throw up grass this morning during my breakfast, delightful beast that he is, causing a mad dash for the steam vac and a few choice words. I was a bit late leaving, and knowing I had a meeting of some importance at work today, I had donned the dreaded nylons. It's unseasonably cool in Iowa right now, so I decided they were needed, even though my skirt was fairly long. I avoided the nylons until I was just about ready to leave, and quickly pulled them on at the last minute, noting a small run, but not caring because it didn't show.
I ran out the door dragging bookbag and purse and lunch, and drove in to class. Of course, since I was late, there was a major accident on the Interstate, causing me to divert onto smaller roads with more traffic lights, but at least they had moving traffic. I was late arriving at school, and dashed off across the parking lot in my 2 inch heels, nearly tripping on some wet leaves, and hurrying along to class. Once in the deserted stairwell headed to my classroom, I did a very un-ladylike tug on the nylons, which had begun to slowly inch their way downward. Nobody could see. (note to self: check for closed circuit camera in stairwell tomorrow)
I entered the classroom through the back door, not wanting to disturb the professor who had begun lecturing, and took my seat. I sat through an interminably long evidence class, and sort of forgot about the wonky nylons. After class, I gathered my things up with the rest of the students and headed down the same stairwell. Of course, it was very busy now, not allowing me the opportunity to do the "hike-'em-up" method, even though they had begun a slow droop once more. "Never mind," I said to myself "I'll take them off when I get to work." I promptly set out across campus to the car park.
As I walked briskly (it was cold) towards my vehicle, I felt the waistband of the beastly nylons commencing a rapid descent across my bottom. I tried to slow the inevitable drooping with a deftly placed hand on the thigh. No such luck. The slippery fabric of my skirt was no match for that. Walking ever faster, I felt the waistband at knee level. I thought it was a very good thing that I was wearing such a long skirt. I began walking with tremendously large strides, thinking that this would prevent complete disaster. I was wrong. On one such stride, I looked down with horror to see the waistband of my nylons was now something of a shackle around my ankles. Oh, this was very bad indeed.
I was close to a brick pillar. I stood against it with my back to it, and pretended to be busily looking in my purse for a very important object. At the same time, I bent my knees a little, making my skirt floor length. Remember, I'm still wearing heels. I slipped my foot out of one shoe, and while continuing to make a big deal out of looking through my purse, I did a very deft little leg wiggle movement, sufficient to make the nylons fall off that foot. I tell you, it was a feat of great ingenuity. The one-legged wiggle in high heels while digging for a non existent document. Brilliant. Of course, I then had to put that shoe back on and repeat the whole process with the other shoe. Good. Nylons now made a small heap at my feet. Ensuring that nobody was looking (at least as far as I could tell) I quickly scooped them into my purse and returned to my vehicle at top speed.
I went to Walgreens on the way back to work and bought a very nice pair of chocolate brown coloured herringbone tights. $5.99 no less! I took them to work and put them on in the bathroom. And what did I do? Stuck my finger right through them, causing a run. Fortunately, due to my skirt, it wasn't visible. Next time I have to wear nylons, I'm going to jump up and down ten times and run around the living room before leaving home, just to be sure.